Mirror image

My heart is aching knowing that my best friend Vee is struggling to cope with the terrible news that her cherished mother has an aggressive cancer invading her brain.

Life is unfair. My friend has suffered more than her share of tragedy during her life. This should be Vee’s time to live her dream of spending time with her mother in her golden years. She of all the people I know deserves joy and happiness.

The relationship between mothers and daughters is a compelling conundrum that spans all cultures and all eras.  It is the most powerful bond in the world, for better or for worse.

Every mother daughter bond is unique and may be anything from blissful to dreadful during various stages of a woman’s life, regardless of whether she is the mother or the daughter.

I feel blessed to have enjoyed a wonderful relationship with my mother for the 46 years we shared together before she died six years ago.

My mother cherished and loved me unconditionally and I reciprocated her love. We shared so much of ourselves between us that it felt like we were an extension of each other.

Losing my mum suddenly as a result of an accident felt like a physical assault to my body and left me floundering to accept the truth.

In the space of a few hours I felt all my inner strength drain from my body leaving me feeling helpless like a child lost in a crowd desperately calling out for my mother to find me.

Facing the reality of her death was the hardest challenge I’ve encountered during my life. The subsequent stages of grief I went through were unspeakable.

I love my best friend Vee and will do anything to comfort and help her during this terrible time.

The thing that I am finding most difficult is being hopeful because I foresee  her world will rock violently when her mother passes away, and I would do anything to save Vee from this fate.

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30 thoughts on “Mirror image

  1. It’s so sad. In times like this it feels like we can do so little to help our loved ones. Still your friend is fortunate to have a friend like you who will support her in this dark period. I think this is really important to know you’re not alone and someone is standing right next to you for comfort.
    I still have my mum and she’s my best friend. I know I will be devastated if one day life decides to take her away from me. When this comes I will try to remember she will have stepped into the light and is waiting for me to come when my time is there.
    My thoughts are with all three of you, I wish you all much strength.
    Love, Virginie

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  2. Seconds before I read this, I found a picture of my mom. She died in March. Unexpectedly, though she had not been well for a few years. I miss her terribly and I know there was a reason for me to come across your post right after finding this photo.

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  3. This post touched my heart, Jenna. My mom and I were estranged for 12 years and just reconnected a year ago. I grieved the loss back then, and dread the day when I must grieve again.

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    1. I am happy you have reconnected with your mother after such a long time. I urge you to enjoy every moment you have with her now and create beautiful memories to hold within your heart forever. Love Jenna

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  4. So very sorry. My own mother is very ill and it is so hard to realize that you won’t have them forever. In fact, we never really know when ANYONE we love will vanish from our midst in the realm of the living. Cherish every day that you have with the ones you love.

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    1. Yes you are right, we should all cherish every day we have with our loved ones. I am sorry to hear that your mother is very ill, I hope you can enjoy the precious moments you still have with her. Love Jenna

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  5. I read this after spending the day with my Mum.. spa day and this made me cry. The fact that Mommabear one of the two humans I can trust entirely (other being poppa bear) could be taken away from me is terrifying.. They’re in good health but sometimes i get a glimpse of the future and I am petrified.

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    1. I know how you feel, I was so attached to my dad and he died 11 years ago. Whoever says it is easy, is a liar. Nothing about losing someone is easy. Does it get easier with time? Not for a long time but grief never ends just as love never ends. I hope you have your parents for a very long time and that all your memories are sweet. But, you can’t live in fear, I’m sure your parents want you to have fun, no matter what your age is. I have two kids, one 19 and one almost 21. I would not want them to suffer but to be happy. Appreciate every day. Be thankful for what you have and remember you can’t control the future. Laurie from hibernationnow.wordpress.com

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  6. As you know, you can’t change the future but you certainly can, and will, be there for your friend. That is what she needs – all that she needs – from you. My Mom has been gone for over 25 years, and I still wish I could call her to hear her tell me that everything will be okay. [My relationship with my Mom is chronicled in “Remembrance” and “Echoes of Darkness Sheathed in Light.”] When the mother-daughter relationship is a good one, thankfully, it remains that way. I will keep you and Vee in my prayers as you walk this sacred ground together.

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    1. Thank you Theresa. There is absolutely no doubt that I will be there for my friend during this difficult time. I too wish I could pick up the phone and call my mum for a chat but unfortunately my time with her has ended and it still hursts. Love Jenna

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    1. No, I am the lucky one having Vee as my best friend for more than forty years since we met in high school. We have been through all of the ups and downs of life together. This is another one of them, albeit a monumental challenge. Love Jenna

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  7. The book The Orphaned Adult by Alexander Levy was recommended to me when my mom died, perhaps you could share it with your friend. The fact that she has such a good friend in you is wonderful.

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    1. Hi Beth Anne, thank you for the recommendation, I will definitely search for that book and read it as I think it could help my progress on accepting my mothers death. I will also pass the book on to my friend Vee when the time comes. You are very kind. Love Jenna

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  8. I was touched by your story, echoing with mine. Losing a parent, mother or father is so difficult, but a mother daughter relationship is special. Although I had my mother longer she was ill for much of my adult life and it was impossible to share those little outings and so on. We made the most of the time we could but it is always heart wrenching, especially when you have to watch them suffer.
    My prayers will be with them
    Blessings. Susan

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  9. I’m so, so sorry about your friend’s mom. There are no words, I offer her my blessings and strength and to you as well. She will need your suppport more than ever. I hope that Vee (if her mother is in good shape) can take one last amazing trip with her mom, maybe you can go too and be a part of their last dream. I feel the sadness in my heart, especially since I just got off the phone with my sister who thinks I am “pushing my mom into independent living” when all I am trying to do is be supportive. My sister is in total denial and she doesn’t want my mother to even consider it as an option. But, she’s 86, doesn’t drive much at all and all her friends are moving away. She’s just considering it, that’s all. My sister doesn’t want to go because “it’s too far to visit.” ONLY MY SISTER. will be thinking of you, Vee and her mother. Many blessings, Laurie

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    1. Hi Laurie, thank you for your love and kind thoughts for Vee and her mother. I hope you and your sister can resolve the issue of where your mother will live. Please make sure you enjoy every moment you have left with your mother. If I could have my mother back for even one day I would cherish this day for ever. Love Jenna

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  10. My prayers will now be for Vee and her mom—I lost my mom 27 years ago, to a very short battle with cancer–it came suddenly and left as quickly as it came–creating a great void in my younger self—you are so right in describing the relationship between mom and daughter—complicated but oh so necessary—I miss her to this day—I pray that Vee and her mom will each learn much from this most unusual time in a relationship–for strength, love and peace—–blessings Dee

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    1. Thank you Julie. I think that women will always miss the presence of their mothers in their lives no matter how long it is since they have passed away. I miss my mother terribly. Love Jenna

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