Zen moments

Today  is the first year anniversary of writing my blog, Jenna Dee. I’m proud to say this is my 62nd post.

After a series of monumental events in 2012 something erupted within and propelled me toward a year of soul-searching that I tentatively started sharing on my blog.

Writing takes me to a place of clarity where I can translate my thoughts into words. Traveling this path challenges me to accept rather than suppress my emotions, which is both exhausting and exhilarating.

Blogging forces me to talk about things out loud. Knowing that someone somewhere may be reading my words makes me feel accountable. My life began to change when I let hundreds of strangers in to my once very private world.

My online friends encourage, advise and share experiences. We laugh and we cry together. There is always someone there giving me strength to challenge myself to keep moving forward.

This year I woke from years of hibernation; I started to see, feel and listen more.

I learned to be kinder to myself.
I learned to embrace my individuality.
I learned that it’s okay to change my mind and old ways.
I learned to be still.
I learned to stop trying to figure it all out.
I learned to let go.
I learned to be me.

Every day I discovered something new and I’ve collected stories, images and words that made a difference to me at the time I saw them.

My fascination with Asian culture led me to Lao Tzu and the Tao Te Ching. I learned that life is a beautiful mystery that cannot be explained nor understood and that to be Tao is to be unlimited, undefined or unformed.

Writing Peace be with me was difficult.  I bared my soul and shared my pain about  the death of my mother seven years ago. The resulting wave of support that came from bloggers made me understand that my emotions were unfounded. Finally I was able to resolve these feelings. Now I remember the wonderful times we shared rather than thinking about the day she died.

My most popular blog post  Listen to your heart expresses my anguish about painful memories of  nine lost years in my relationship with my son. I once thought he had fallen so far down a deep dark hole that he could never be freed.  This year I saw his head appearing out of that hole and he has emerged back into my life. Words can’t express how grateful I am for this second chance.

I appreciate every comment bloggers make on my posts but this comment on Listen to your heart I treasure dearly.

This reminds me of how much beauty there is this world however painfully wrapped, thank you for writing so deeply from the heart. Sophie

When writing Love is all you need based on an email exchange with my dad I realised my relationship with him has deepened and flourished to one of love and friendship. I have learned from his wisdom and I treasure this extra time we’ve had together.

It has been a year of creating possibilities, of confronting demons and making peace with regrets. I have fallen and regressed many times but each time I got up stronger and more eager to keep trying.

This is not the end of my journey; it is only the first few baby steps.  I have at least thirty more years of my life to fully emerge. I hope I will still be writing my blog then so I can look back and relive the journey of the person I will grow to be.

A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.
Lao Tzu