Most of the time I’m comfortable in my existence and can fairly accurately predict my reaction to most situations. As an introvert I’m not usually emotionally demonstrative.
Writing helps me see things with clarity and put my thoughts into words. It is my strongest form of expression and communication.
Recently I stepped outside my internal written world when a writers group held an open microphone event for people to read aloud their work to a like-minded audience.
As the event coincided with the first year anniversary of my blog I eagerly signed up to read Zen Moments that summarizes the highs and lows of my year of self-discovery.
Listening to the other readers was motivating and I didn’t feel nervous. Soon it was my turn to step up to the microphone to read.
The moment I began reading the reality of speaking my truths hit me like a brick and my voice started to falter. My vulnerabilities and insecurities erupted and involuntarily flooded my body. I was completely thrown by my unexpected emotional reaction.
As I spoke tears sprung to my eyes and words choked my throat. I couldn’t go on. My heart thumped like a ticking time bomb and I wanted to run out the door, but I stayed still.
Another writer kindly came forward to stand beside me and continue reading my piece. As she spoke my words it was if I was hearing them for the first time. I felt like I was standing naked on the stage.
She had almost finished and invited me to resume reading, but as soon as I spoke again my tears returned. Again she kindly continued to finish reading for me while I stood beside her.
The audience applauded as I self-consciously left the stage. Immediately someone who I have wanted to become closer with for some time gave me the warmest hug and told me she was proud of me. This made me very happy to know she cared.
My old self would have lamented my awful public speaking experience but I chose to accept what happened for whatever it was.
That day I was proud to have satisfied my intention which is
Letting things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.