The concept of human awakening (spiritual or personal) sparks extraordinary interest considering the number of books, websites and YouTube videos that exist on the subject.
The definition of awakening is ‘an act or moment of becoming suddenly aware of something’. Once aware we strive to create positive change in our lives, and from experience I know that this is not easy. Like the lion in The Wizard of Oz I once lacked courage to face truths and react to a new perspective.
In my early twenties I was in a loveless marriage but refused to face reality. On holiday my husband and I were caught in a fierce cyclone. At first I was terrified but eventually I had an overwhelming feeling of calm and knew without a doubt my husband was not the person I wanted to spend my life with.
When we returned home I ignored the warning by convincing myself our marriage would improve if we started a family. It didn’t go well, the marriage fell apart and I became a shattered single mother with a baby who ultimately suffered as a result of the doomed marriage.
A while later I was vulnerable during the legal process of ending the marriage. At every meeting I felt bullied and manipulated to resolve the issues. I have never felt so powerless or weak.
It was during one of these meetings that I knew I could challenge the pompous lawyers and stand up for myself. I momentarily lost my fear and this experience was liberating.
However instead of seizing this change in attitude and going forward living without fear, I reverted to my previous demeanor and spent many more years being submissive.
Turning 50 was a milestone I saw as another opportunity to be courageous and shatter the protective box I had imposed around myself.
One night I awoke during the quietest hours and knew the only way I would be content was to regain my individuality and rebuild my confidence.
I wanted to revert to using my name at birth rather than be known by my second husband’s family name, which I had used for 22 years. This was difficult because I deeply love my husband and my intention infuriated him.
I thought about the times I’d previously ignored the signs from awakening experiences and I knew I couldn’t let myself down again. So after many weeks of upsetting and confronting discussions I told my husband I was going ahead and changing my name.
It wasn’t easy contacting the relevant authorities to prove that I was the person on my birth certificate, it was demeaning but I persisted. Telling family, friends and work colleagues I had changed my name made me uncomfortable and the subject of whispers about whether my marriage was in trouble (which it never was).
I felt I had let everyone down and crushed expectations of who I should be, but I held firm knowing my decision was right for me. It took all my strength to push away fear but it was liberating and ultimately made me whole again. (My post I am who I am describes more of this story)
From then on I tapped into an infinite reserve of courage and slowly started living with confidence and being true to myself. Freedom is bliss.
My fourth awakening experience was spiritual and inspired an overwhelming feeling of peace and optimism that things are as they should be. This day I knew I’ve found the right path after being lost for so many years. (My post Serenity describes more about this)
It took me 50+ years to learn the truth in the following quote. I hope everyone else discovers it long before I did.
The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. Bob Moawad
My post today is part of a series of posts about awakening experiences by various bloggers initiated by Barbara of Me My Magnificent Self. Further details
That’s a beautiful story, Jenna, and I love the quote too.
Understanding the true meaning requires a journey of self discovery. I think it comes easier for some than for others. My learning curve has been long, but I’m getting there! 🙂
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We are all on our own personal journey in life and for some of us it takes longer than others to realise our full potential as a person, but that’s okay. Love to you Denise from Jenna 🙂
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You are such a brave lady! This post is full of so much heart and I wish you so many wonderful things. Great to be in touch on the blogosphere. I enjoy my visits to your site and look forward to seeing your work in my Reader! 😉
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Thank you for your kind words. I consider myself very lucky to have so much support from fellow bloggers. Love to you from Jenna 😉
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Love back 😉
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It doesn’t matter when you do it…it just matters that you do. Congrats. You’re a free woman at last:)
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Yes free describes exactly how I feel now. Love to you from Jenna
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I loved your closing quote, and your courage along the journey. Wishing you the best on your journey.
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Thank you for your kind words. Love Jenna
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Wow what a simple and honest post! Loved the quote as well. Thanks for sharing! xox
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Thank you I am glad you liked it. Love Jenna
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Wonderful post, Jenna!
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Thank you Shirley.
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Hi Jenna. I love that quote , should probably get it tattooed on my hand! Great post, thanks! 🙂
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Thank you Susan, I appreciate your kind words. Love Jenna
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“From then on I tapped into an infinite reserve of courage and slowly started living with confidence and being true to myself.” I loved this sentence. How a act of following your heart, which took great courage, led to this confidence of being true to yourself. I have found my 50s to be the best years of my life. So much has fallen away to leave only those parts of me that truly matter. It only gets better now!
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I totally agree and I thank you for your valuable input. Love Jenna
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something about turning 50 really is cathartic:-) button happy robbie:-)
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So true, and it creeps up on you very quickly!
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good to hear you are no longer fearful:-) Our life is what we make of it + not to blame on anyone else—sooooo true, you are right:-)
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I have learned that blame is such a useless emotion. Love Jenna
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I absolutely love this post! It’s fascinating to get such an insight into other people’s ‘awakenings’ – how we come to grow and understand life and ourselves – its powerfully written too – can’t wait for the next bit 🙂 Sophie xx
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It is indeed quite a rush when for the first time you can fend off the attack and come away victorious. I know this and I did this at my weakest hour. It is amazing how much more we have within us that we do not know about. This year, I will turn 50 and for some reason, I feel a sense of urgency that I cannot put my finger on…an urgency to get my ‘house in order’ as with my personal things, papers, and other belongings. It is weighing on me…that I spent all these years trying to get somewhere in the world, acquire those things I needed, etc. Now I feel like it is time to pare it all down and shed it. Did you feel like that too?
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Yes I too approached turning 50 with a sense of getting things in order. I knew if I didn’t start living life the way I wanted then most likely I would never change or evolve. It took courage and many attempts to create changes but after three years I am very happy with my progress. I hope we keep in touch as I’d love to share in your experiences too. Love Jenna
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This post is truly powerful. Wow. Thanks also for liking my recent one. 🙂 Jane
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It doesn’t matter how long it takes .. as long as we find ourselves and then remain true. This is the journey 🙂 Woohoo!!
🙂
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I contend that we need all those stumbles in order to see what the right path really is. You can’t know whether you’re doing the right thing unless you make mistakes to compare it to. Then the right thing becomes oh-so clear. Thanks for describing my journey. I love the way you phrase it.
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I agree that we learn by our mistakes and as we grow older we have the benefit of the past to learn from. Love Jenna
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I love your courage and determination to listen to what your heart was telling you. Your freedom touches others in ever-widening circles. Grace indeed.
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Thank you Eliza, your words mean a lot to me. Love Jenna
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Such beautiful power slips through your written words.
I was bathed in Grace just by reading along. Oh my.
You are a new gem to me. How lucky for me that I found you!
I will be back to visit again soon.
simply lovely.
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You are very welcome and I too am very happy to have found your blog. Love jenna
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Being ourselves is sometimes threatening to others, isn’t it?
Good for you!
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Yes I have found that it does threaten others when we dare to be ourselves, but I don’t worry about that anymore. Great to hear from you Denise, Love jenna
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I, for one, am thrilled to have been an observer of your awakening this past year. As St. Ignatius of Loyola writes, “Go forth and set the world on fire…”
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Thank you for your support and encouragement. Love Jenna
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Wonderful Jenna… thank you so much for sharing and I will enjoy your other in-depth posts too… and you know what they say…. it’s never too late… and I know for sure that our written experiences will help inspire many other to choose to awaken ‘with a quantum leap’… take care, Barbara
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Thanks Barbara, I appreciate your input. Love Jenna
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Thank you so much for this uplifting post and the inspiring quote at the end 🙂
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My pleasure. Thanks for dropping by my blog. Love Jenna
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It is your journey, and you choose how to walk it. Cheers!
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Great advice, and I finally have to courage to do this. Love Jenna
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Hi Jenna, thank you again for sharing your very inspiring life journey. I’m glad you found your way ‘home’. This reminds me of your quote – Change will come when the time is right. Shine on, my friend :). Much love, Pat
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Thanks as always my bloggy friend Pat. Love Jenna
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I’m glad I’m not the only ‘late bloomer’! 🙂 I got divorced when I was in my 40s, moved with only my dog to Arizona from Alabama, started grad school, and gradually emerged from the dark tunnel in which I had been living my whole life. My divorce was final shortly after I moved here. It’s only gotten better from there. And I’m so glad I ended that phase of my life because it allowed me to be who I am today.
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Good on you Ruth. Live your life to the full and continue to blossom. Love Jenna
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Enlightening post, Jenna. I agree that being true to yourself is the only way to find the balance in one’s life. It took me many decades to find this out.
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Thanks Michele, you and I are so alike in so many ways. Love Jenna
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It took great courage to finally listen and act. The 50’s are an amazing time in a woman’s life. I am nearing mine myself, and I do feel very much as if layers are finally coming off, and I can see myself at the core. Thank you for sharing… m.
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Thanks Mari. Beautifully said “I can see myself at the core”, you have eloquently summed up exactly what I was trying to say. Love Jenna 😉
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I admire your courage to continue to be true to yourself Jenna. You seem to have enjoyed the taste of freedom often enough throughout your life to know that this personal freedom is what you need and how you must live. You listen to, and hear the message from your heart so clearly. I’m always cheering you on Jenna.
My word for this year is “authentic”. I’m on the same journey as you. Although our lives are traveling on different roads along the way, our destination is the same.
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Hi Joanne, thanks for your input to my post. It took me many years to learn from awakening experiences because in my younger years I thought I knew better what was best for me. What I have learned is that even though I am a loving wife and mother I am fundamentally an individual with the same freedoms and choices as any other individual. Good luck to you too on your journey. I value keeping up with you and sharing experiences. Love Jenna 🙂
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I like that part about shattering the box.. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
Much love always,
Laurie
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Thanks Laurie. Love to you too from Jenna
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❤ I am posting my story on the 28th. 🙂
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Way to go! Very inspiring.
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Thank you for your support. Love Jenna
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