Game over

I tried, I really tried. I shook off self-doubt and left my comfortable homey life to work in a city office job. I joined the commuter crush to travel in close contact with people who rarely acknowledge each other’s existence. On arrival at work I rode in a mirrored packed with people avoiding eye contact to go up to my floor

Aside from an insincere ‘good morning’ from those sitting nearby my desk I was left to work alone while people chatted about their lives with their friends around me. Just like in a schoolyard they whispered in others ears while in my full view. Nobody took the time to make proper introductions leaving me to awkwardly introduce myself. People worked collaboratively but failed to provide enough information about the project or the names and roles of team members.  I know I’m introverted and people say I’m quiet but I made every possible effort to fit in and work as part of the team.  I smiled and tried to interact but my colleagues made it clear I was invisible. When I had questions about my work I felt I was an inconvenience for seeking clarification so I wasted time trying to figure things out myself.

After only four weeks I couldn’t face going back and I resigned. Perhaps I should have asked if there was a reason people acted unkindly toward me but the experience weakened my resolve and all I wanted to do was get away. I have no regrets for trying the new experience nor harsh feelings towards my former workmates. All I feel is hurt because I can’t understand how people can be so unkind for no obvious reason.

In my last post Working 9 to 5  I confidently quoted Mhar “You are confined by the boundaries you set yourself. The mind creates the cage. Set yourself free and move out of your comfort zone.” I took that advice but this time I ran straight back to my comfort zone and for now I’m happy I’m home.kind word

Please be kind to others. I wish the people who treated me unkindly could appreciate my post Rekindle Kindness.

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
Dalai Lama

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36 thoughts on “Game over

  1. I”m sorry to hear that this was your experience and I know people can be so unkind. I feel absolute respect for you that you were brave enough to leave a situation that didn’t feel good. sending you lots of love xxx

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  2. I agree that the corporate world can be a harsh place. I know that it would be hard for me to go back to that life. I love volunteering and working with children. You would be a natural working with children. I love it because it’s not about me, it’s about them.

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  3. This broke my heart. Jenna, I’m so sorry that this group of people were unable to see what great value you would have brought to their lives. Their loss, love. You are too valuable to be made to feel invisible. Please don’t let their error in judgement speak to who you are. You are lovely. Hope you enjoy your time at home.

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    1. As always I value your thoughtful comments Theresa. You chose the perfect thing to say to me because this is exactly what my late mother used to say to me. You have brought me great comfort. Thank you. Love Jenna

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  4. I just saw this at Soul Gathering and thought of you:
    In the end, only three things matter:
    how much you loved,
    how gently you lived,
    and how gracefully you let go of things
    not meant for you.

    ~ The Buddha ~

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  5. I worked in the corporate environment for years and hated every second of it. Even when people “warmed” to the new girl (me), it was all phony and shallow. I saw those people turn on each other and knew the same could happen to me if they were given the chance. I’m with you – I don’t like cities, I don’t like corporations. I now work from home and my dealings with others in a professional capacity is limited, which I greatly prefer. Don’t take any of that nonsense personally, people like that aren’t honest with themselves or anyone else, and they’re usually just acting out their own pain and resentments. I’m sure you’ll find a much better and more fulfilling path. 🙂

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  6. Oh, Jenna, so sorry to hear about the unkindness shown to you at your workplace – how awful when people act small! There certainly must be something better in store for you. Have faith and the path will be shown to you. 🙂 Bet your puppy is happy to have you around more!

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    1. Thanks Eliza, I’m sure I’m better off out of that environment. Yes my dog Gracie Dee is very happy to have me home again and she gives me so much love. Love to you from Jenna 😉

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  7. I know how lonely it can feel in a crowded office amongst unfriendly people – good on you for giving it a go and don’t let this experience shut you off from continuing to explore options – there are supportive friendly environments out there. Rest, rejuvenate and then explore some more – hugs xx

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    1. Thank you for your understanding and support. I am so lucky to have found acceptance and kindness through writing my blog and this makes me happy. Love to you from Jenna

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  8. How disheartening to encounter disrespect and be ignored while offering your time & energy at work.
    I’m not a city person, either. There is so much pain in the city
    and hurt people do hurtful things to others.
    You now deserve kindness!
    May calm, deep breaths bring ease
    and gentle steps offer freedom 🙂

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  9. Sometimes its not worth the effort to be around people who do not treat you with respect. My husband is retiring from teaching in a little over a year and I just hope he can make it that long! Good for you! ~Elle

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  10. We are not claiming this negative experience Jenna—for you my dear are a bight spot that is not to dimmed by the smallness of others.
    It is hard, very hard to fit into a place where others have already been–creating their own world and history. History takes time to create. But you sensed bad feelings right off and that’s merely your own defense mechanism popping up–and you must trust it—and move on to a place that “feels” right.
    And if it’s not the work force, then so be it. Kindness, empathy, hospitality are those things which make us human—you let your “humanness” shine—you just keep shinning–
    I always love the thought that when a door closes, a window opens—look for that window Jenna!!!
    Hang out here for a while—welcome back—
    Hugs my friend–Julie

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  11. It never fails to amaze me how self-absorbed people can get. Never looking past their own needs and desires – never seeing that even those who don’t share the same interests they do, still share the same feelings. I’ve been in similar situations at work and I can so relate to how lonely it is.
    Take heart, Jenna, that there are people out there who care, even though they seem to be getting fewer and farther between.

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  12. I’m sad you felt you had to resign, but understand why because I was in that situation years ago when I was much younger.
    One particular girl in the same office made my life misery. She was having an affair with my boss who was a married man and was really nasty to me every time he called me into his office to take dictation. I put up with it for a long time as we needed the money, but in the end I had to resign and get back to my comfort zone at home.
    My confidence had taken a beating and I had to make myself get back in the workforce. I soon got another job with nice, kind people. They are out there. Don’t let what happened to you, make you think otherwise.

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  13. I’m sorry this happened to you. I don’t blame you for resigning. I’d rather be in my own comfortable zone. Perhaps that attitude appears weak, but at least I’d be happy. I say kudos to you for knowing what you do and do not need in your life.
    I’ve considered going back into the work force, but am content at working from home. I fear not only what happened to you, but I just don’t want to be surrounded by negative energy.

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