Tag Archives: letter

You’ve got mail

Dear fellow bloggersdownload

I’m sorry it has been a while since I’ve been in touch. I’ve no excuse for my absence and vow to stay connected from now on.

At the beginning of 2016 I stated my intentions and thus far feel happy that I have honoured my promises.

I’ve grown as a person by standing up to certain people and not allowing them to make me feel inferior. I’m sticking my head out from my protective tortoise shell and I’m not as afraid of being crushed anymore.

Another area of my life that needed my attention was reconnecting with people I’d lost touch with over the years. I’ve reached out to some old friends and family and it’s wonderful to feel a sense of belonging to a community again after years of imposed isolation.

We have been working on creating a family business with our son Chris who wants to open a trendy men’s barbershop. Fingers crossed we find out today if we secured the lease of a shop. If so we will be working hard over the next six weeks fitting it out and getting ready to open. We see this as an opportunity for Chris to follow his dream and for our whole family to work together and share their collective skills to make this dream a reality.

Other exciting news is that our daughter Laura has produced a CD of her original folky songs and will launch it in the coming months. I’d love to share her music with you when the CD is available.

Although I haven’t been on my blog site for a while I think of you all often and hope you are all happy and well. I’ve promised myself to spend time each morning to catch up with your news and reconnect with my treasured blogger friends.

Your friend

Jenna Dee

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Letter to my friends

Dear Julie (aka Cookie), hibernationnow, risinghawk, Eric Tonningsen, Theresa, Ruth Rainwater, Pocket Perspectives,  shreejacob, sufilight, grevilleacorner, Crowing Crone Joss, starrystez, Owls and Orchids newbloggycat, quarteracrelifestyle , Robbie, lauriesnotes, and suzjones

The love, advice and support that you share with me in your responses to my blog posits is so greatly appreciated.  Every one of you is helping me more than you will ever know.

My last post Peace be with me was a heartfelt letter admitting my fears and regrets arising from my mothers passing seven years ago.

I wrote about the negative feelings I’ve been holding within for way too long. Admitting these thoughts ‘out loud’ and sharing them with people I knew would read them, was a big step forward for me.

What I received back was caring, thoughtful responses given with abundant love. The message was loud and clear – Jenna, you need to let it all go and remember your mum with love.

Relief washed over me with every comment I received. Suddenly I felt vindicated. I had shared my deepest fears and people were saying it was okay, they understood. They didn’t think any less of me.

Yesterday I listened to a CD,  Change your Thoughts, Change Your Life with the lessons of Lao-tzu. The Tao Te Ching (The Great Way)  provides spiritual guidance to live in harmony with the universe.

Re-reading the comments from fellow bloggers combined with the lessons learned from Lao-tzu was exactly what I needed to satisfy my wish to find peace within.

Again, I express my deepest thanks.

Your friend
Jenna

Peace be with me

It is about this time every year when things start to feel different. No matter how hard I try to pretend that it’s just another day, it never is.

For most people September signals springtime and warmer weather to enjoy happy times. For me September is  laced with sorrow, a reminder that another year without my lovely mother has gone by.

I’ve stumbled through the predictable stages of grief during the past seven years. My heart remains laden with sadness and regret.  This tells me I’m yet to reach the acceptance stage.

What I miss the most is chatting with my mum. We talked about everything and would solve the problems of the world together. I always felt better after talking things over with mum.  She made everything seem clearer and helped me find solutions to my dilemmas.

As I can’t talk to her now I’ve decided to write mum a letter in the hope it helps me to admit my fears,  release my regrets and find peace in my life.

23 September 2013

My darling Mum

No one could have ever told me how much pain I would feel at losing you from my life.

It was so sudden. We spent the day together enjoying life.  That night you were lying in a hospital bed frail and broken, looking nothing like my beautiful mum.

Your accident  devastated Dad.  He rapidly diminished with fear of losing his soul mate. When prompted for a decision about maintaining life support Dad respected your instruction and sadly agreed to have it switched off.

I wanted to scream NNNOOOOOOOOO but remained silent.  I wish I’d been brave enough to say I wasn’t ready to let you go . It would have prolonged the inevitable but selfishly I needed more time. For this I am sorry.

After the medical staff  disconnected the machines I wanted to stay by your side until the end, but after a while Dad wanted you left alone.  I respected his decision and this is my biggest regret. Mum I walked away and left you alone to die.  I abandoned you. For this I am sorry.

My memory of your funeral is a blur of tears and pain. The image of your coffin occupies my mind and terrifies me in the darkest hours of the night when I lie awake.

 After you died I regularly visited your grave hoping to feel your presence. I never have.  I always feel cold emptiness invade my body. I don’t go there much anymore. For this I am sorry.

My long-term memories of you are joyful. Thank you for giving me life and always making me feel the most special person in the world.

You were the glue that held our family together and since you’ve gone our sibling relationships have disintegrated. For this I am sorry.

Lots of lovely things have happened in our lives since you’ve gone,  I wish you could have shared them with us. Even though I can’t feel your presence  I like to think you’ve been there in spirit.

The truth is I feel like you have abandoned me. I believe your spirit exists but I can’t feel it and not knowing why is the worst feeling. 

Please come to me in a dream, land on me as a butterfly or blow in my ear. I need to know you forgive me and still love me so that I can find peace and let you go.

Mum, I’m  scared that as more years pass I won’t remember when you were alive.

Your loving daughter
Jennie

The power of a letter

I’ve always loved hand written letters. The excitement of writing a letter, posting it off to a destination and then receiving a letter back in my mailbox has always intrigued me.

It has always been easier for me to express my feelings on paper rather than verbally. My  personality is unassuming and sometimes I hold back on expression resulting in the other person not receiving the message.  However I have no trouble expressing myself in written form.

Throughout my life I have written letters to people, some were delivered and some never sent, but all of them helped me to express my feelings.

I’ve saved all the personal letters that I have received in a big box that I sometimes take out and read, transporting me back to a time when things were different. Seeing words in my mum’s handwriting somehow comforts me and makes me feel that she is still with me.

This week I had lunch with my best friend and was compelled to write her a letter after I saw her. With her permission I am sharing that letter with you.

To my oldest and dearest friend,

I love you.

Thank you for being my friend throughout all our ups and downs over the past 41 years. I am positive that our friendship will continue until the day we take our last breath.

People have come and gone throughout our lives but our friendship has withstood every situation and never fades. There is nothing that could destroy our bond.

Yesterday when I saw you for our Christmas visit I sensed that you are in pain. I could see it in your eyes, hear it in your words and feel it in my heart.

You are dealing with many stressful situations and I fear they are taking their toll on your peace of mind. I understand that these situations are impacting on your life and are unfair and frustrating.

But you have to step back from them before they eat into your soul.

If you need me to do anything to ease your pain then I expect you to call out to me and ask for help. I am your friend and will stand by you through any situation.

Never lose sight of the kind and loving person you are.

All you need is love.

Just call my name and I’ll be there

My friend’s response

Thank you.  You have such a way with words and can say the things I think, but cannot put into words.  I know you would be there for me no matter what, and I for you, and that is the most comforting thought I have.